We updated our staff section on the Forefront Website with photos a little bios for everybody. When you have nothing to do at all (seriously, nothing on the face of this earth), then take a look and enjoy some random facts.
Jason *over and out*
So, like I mentioned in the last installment, I’ve blogged about this here, but occasionally, my wife will be posting here and sharing thoughts on life, family and ministry here as our family serves Forefront.
Here is her journal entry in streaming thought on the loss of her mother…
Mom passed away around 4am Dec. 14th 2008.
She had been admitted to the hospital wed afternoon 12/10.
She was taken by ambulance after finally giving in and deciding to go to the hospital because her legs were extremely swollen and seeping fluid. My dad and i had been urging her to go to the doc for the past few weeks because she was having increased difficulty breathing and was becoming very short of breath when walking.
Over the past few months she had given going out to lunch with friends, going to Bunco, and any other activity that meant exerting effort. She only went to the credit union and McDonalds (the drive thrus).
The two weeks before she went into the hospital i had stayed home from work one day each week–first because i was sick, then because Chloe was sick. Both days i stayed home my mom fell and couldn’t get up. The first time i successfully helped her, the second time i had to call an ambulance to come assist her.
Her diagnosis in hospital was just as before congestive heart failure. when we went to visit her she was her usually self stubborn and board. She was putting up a fight with the PT, i felt so bad for him. We didn’t’ see much improvement in her legs or her breathing but she didn’t seem worse.
She wanted to go home so bad. Around 10pm the house phone rang downstairs and i didn’t get to it in time. I didn’t know anyone that would call my parents house that late so i thought it was my mom calling from the hospital. I called her room back and she answered the phone, i could tell she had been asleep. I asked if she called and she said no. I said well are you alright. She said she was fine. I said well go back to sleep, we will see you in the morning. She said okay and hung up.
That would be the last time I would ever talk to my mom.
A few hours later in the middle of the night Friday night I got a phone call from a doctor telling me she had gotten worse and couldn’t breathe, she had agreed to let them put in a breathing tube and she was transferred to the ICU. Now my mom had made herself a dnr when she was admitted so i was really confused as to why she would be okay with a breathing tube, but I guess when you are short of breath and craving oxygen, you will do anything.
The doctor did say they agreed this was only a temporary thing to see if she could improve her heart function while on the vent. I wholeheartedly believe that my mom knew she was getting worse, maybe on the verge of dying and the doctor told her she would be sedated while on the breathing tube and would be comfortable. I believe my mom was okay with getting the breathing tube because she knew she would be kept asleep. I think she knew she wouldn’t wake up.
The next morning my dad and i went to the ICU, the nurse was in there. She was hooked up to medicine for her heart and sedation. She was out and just looked horrible. Later that afternoon my dad and sister went back and they said her kidneys had shut down. They hadn’t been able to wean a medicine that was helping her heart pump and while that medicine helped her heart, it harmed the rest of the body. I planned on going Sunday morning before church to see her.
Jason and I went to the staff Christmas party sat night. I got a phone call around 11 Sat. night from the same doctor I had talked to the night before. He wanted to know if we had been updated that day. i told him what i knew and there wasn’t anything new. He even talked about if/when she got stable, she would need to go on the transplant list. I told him she wouldn’t want to go through another surgery. She had been adamant about that.
A few hours later, the doctor called back. i knew when the phone rang that time what it would be. I answered the phone and he said ” This is Dr. ________ again. I have some really bad news. You’re mom passed away a few minutes ago. Even on the heart medications her heart just gave up.”
I was in shock, although she hadn’t been well for a while, it was still a shock. He asked if we wanted to see the body before the morgue took it, I said no. I had to go downstairs and tell my dad which was the hardest thing i have ever done. I had to comfort him as he wailed. I had to call my sister and tell her. Then Sunday morning I had to go to the hospital and collect her personal items which was incredibly difficult. Walking into that ICU by myself and seeing the empty bed where she had been the day before was awful. All the nurses looking at me knowing was hard too. They were very helpful and comforting but i was still there alone.
They handed me a bag and i broke down. How could my mom and all my memories of childhood come in a large white paper bag. The next few days were a blur with planning the funeral, contacting insurance companies, and having the viewing and funeral. Thank goodness for Chloe–she has been my dad’s comfort and focus during this entire time. I am also thankful that God and my mom made the decision when she would die instead of it coming down to my dad having to make the decision to take her off the ventilator.
Thank you Carrie for sharing so openly. I love you and love your strength in all of this. God is continually rebuilding us. He’s going to keep us moving in this journey.
More from these ol’ Vans coming soon…
When you get the opportunity to work in your sweet spot, what should you do? You could…
A. Accept the job and get going.
B. Interview, but see what else is available.
C. Take the job and two years later jump out of what you love because God said so.
If you chose “C” you’d be absolutely right. What in the world?! I couldn’t believe it in a million years. I honestly never imagined, dreamed, or desired to be a lead pastor. But, God has a funny way of moving us even when we aren’t ready, looking, or possibly ever going to be capable. That’s the beauty of God’s leading.
He takes us to new heights. He throws us into NASCAR-like traffic right after getting our license. He could care less if we are ready or not. Because He is with us. God did an amazing thing in my life and I couldn’t ever imagine being in this place. But here I am…
A 29 year old, Husband, Father, Pastor, Mets Fan, and all around Lover of Life. I’ve seen quite a few things, disappointed God in a number of ways, but nothing really prepared me for moving in with my mother-in-law and taking on the responsibility of taking care of my family and my wife’s as well.
And honestly, I don’t think we are at all built to handle the loss of life. It’s something I’ve blogged about here, and my wife will talk about from her ol’ Vans in the next entry in this series…
Yep. That’s a cat with a machine gun. You’re eyes are not fooling you. Search Google Images for the word “crazy” and this little nugget of goodness is what pops up first. It’s disturbing on many levels.
Anyway, this weekend/start to the week has been insane, but in a good way. God has been throwing things my way that I actually dreaded and in every situation- it ended up being an amazing thing. So cool.
I can’t tell you enough how excited I am to lead Forefront. It’s a place where people are real, they ask questions, want to serve, are wrestling with big challenges… and I savor every minute of it.
Until next time,
Jason *over and out*
I remember the day we found out “Operation Everything Works: Part Deux” was a success and we were on our way to a little girl. I was reserved about being excited, yet could barely hold it in all at the same time. This go ’round, everything seemed to move like clockwork.
We went to the visits, did the check-ups and I couldn’t be more excited about being a dad. They had scheduled to induce Carrie (on her birthday) so we woke up, went to the hospital, and knew a baby was in route (which I completely loved being a Type “A” must have a plan kind of person).
I was there for EVERYTHING. No lie. I hate blood. I hate pain. I hate the sight of needles (oddly enough with all the tattoos), but it was unreal. I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything in the world. Watching Chloe Elise Bedell come into this world was a beautiful thing. If you are an expecting dad or plan to be a dad, be there for it all. Don’t be a wuss. Suck it up and support your wife sucker. She’ll love you for it. Trust me.
Being a dad opens your eyes to a new reality. Being in charge of someone’s growth, learning, feeding, changing, morals, guiding, directing, etc. It’s a tall order. I ask God daily for Carrie and I to be the parents He wants us to be, to make the choices He would want us to make, and to put our family before my job as a pastor. Yep, the church is second to my family.
If I can be the best husband and father to them as I possibly can be with God guiding me- I will in turn be a better pastor and I believe God will honor my efforts for putting them first.
So now we’re 8 months into having this little bundle of joy and she is great, I don’t know what we’d do without her. But along the way raising her, we had some interesting moves in the last three and a half months that really changed our ideas of what it means to “listen to God…”
Tomorrow our Chesapeake Campus is going to be living the good life! They will be meeting for the first week inside of Greenbrier Mall’s Cinema Cafe. I can’t tell you how excited I am about this move. I think being in the heart of a mall is a great location. We will be in the hub of everything happening in the Chesapeake area.
Please pray for a great service, tons of new people, and that God will challenge you to invite a friend and check it out. The official BIG launch is on Sunday, February 15, 2009… but if you want to get a couple weeks of the “sneak peak,” just head on over tomorrow morning at 10 am!
(Note to self: they ain’t servin’ pizza, subs, popcorn, beer or soft drinks- so… BYOSSS “Bring Your Own Service Snacks Sucka”)
Jason *over and out*
Chloe is growing sooooo fast. We’re in a new stage here at Casa De Bedell, and she’s moving fast! More from the series later today… Enjoy.
I was a reading a friend’s blog this morning and saw this video. It definitely made me think. It moved me. I watched students even here in the U.S. get sold on this kind of message- “Jesus brings wealth, health and riches!” Early on in church I heard a similar message, “Believe in Jesus and everything your heart desires will be fulfilled.” Well I tried to believe early on and it didn’t work the way they told me. Having lost loved ones and fighting through those pains, the end of this video really puts it into perspective.
Check it out and I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Jason *over and out*
Sitting at Panera taking my PRD. “PRD?
What the heck did you just say? P-R-huh?!”
You may not know this but we are required as full-time staff members of Forefront to once a month take a personal “Personal Retreat Day.” It’s a day to take some time away from the job, chaos, family, friends, etc. and connect with God. When I came on as a staff member, I was so amped that we were told to do this, but I didn’t take advantage of it… because I’m a workaholic.
Today I had to force myself to unplug (from the job). So here I sit and ask God to move in me. I have been praying for my heart and my family. I have been praying for you, your families, and that God will move in your lives. I am asking God to make me the spiritual leader He has challenged me to be. I am so humbled by every second He allows me to serve Him and sometimes it takes getting away form the norm and just listening to Him.
I need to make these days a priority. For me to be centered on God for my wife, daughter, the staff, and my Forefront family- these days have to happen. And I need to cherish them and guard them. If you are serving in a ministry area, talk to your staff leader and see how they are doing? Ask them how you can help them and ask how God is pouring into them? Ministry isn’t sitting around just relaxing. It’s can take a spiritual and emotional toll and it’s always amazing for people to ask how you are. So ask them when you see them.
Thanks to FF for having this and thanks to Dan (our Exec. Pastor) for pushing me to make these a big deal. I totally needed this today. God is pouring into me like an open fire hose.
Jason *over and out*
