Question:

How does God say to deal with death? (for adults and children)

Answer:

Death is a reality that we all need to come to grips with.  We were never made to die and death is a result of sin in the world.  When Adam and Eve took the fruit sin enters the world and death comes with it.  Why do people we love die?  It’s not God’s fault.  It’s because of sin.  It’s because we live in a messed up and broken world.  But one day God will restore all things and make all things right in heaven and there will be no more death or mourning or crying our pain (Revelation 21:5)  This is the truth we need to keep center in dealing with death.

Question:

How do you get your teenager to talk to you?

Answer:

I know I preach this all the time, but be transparent. With transparency also needs to come discernment, but your kids can see a fake a mile away. Also, be available. You wouldn’t believe how many times Carrie and I have been out in town and watched kids going nuts and when your eyes look up, both parents are engaged in their cell phones with no regard for their children at all. I would also say to love them unconditionally, just as Jesus has done for you and I. This is easier said than done. Many times our kids will disappoint us, hurt us, go against us- we must be adult and love them through it. Never judge. There is a difference between holding our kids accountable and judging them. Let’s let God take his place and we need to help them through their stumbling and falling.

Be proactive in communicating your love for them, even when they don’t deserve it or love you back. Pursue conversations about THEM… and really LISTEN to their answers. Pray for them. Tell them you are praying for them. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you and pray for you as you pursue this priceless relationship. Read I Corinthians 13. Read Galatians 5:22-23. Hold these passages in front of you on a regular basis. I have to put passages like this in my journal to see daily. Never give up! Have a relationship with them.

Some things we are doing as a family to foster this:

• Family Is A Priority. Family dinner at the dining table with the television and all electronics off. This encourages conversation and connection as a family.
• Eliminate The Competitors. As they get older, they will not be allowed portable electronic stuff until they are in late middle school. Watching kids out to eat with their families playing a game or with headphones in makes me want to cry for them. They’re missing vital years of connecting.
• Weekly Parent/Child Day. Every Friday is my day off each week. I take the girls on Daddy/Daughters Day. Whatever she wants to do, we do. She looks forward to it every week. When she’s in her teen years, I believe these days will return on their investment. Even as teenagers, this could be a real gem to have their parents spending a day about them and with them.
• Engage Their World. Every day I ask the girls what they did at school. I ask them about what they’re playing when at the house. Hopefully this discipline will continue as they get older. If it becomes the norm now, it will help later on. There’s never a bad time to start this, even as teenagers.
• Be The Spiritual Leader. Chloe models what it means to love Jesus because we model it at home. She is beginning to understand love, God, Jesus, His love for us, etc. Granted she is 2 1/2, but even that young she knows Jesus/God controls the weather, that he loves our family, and that we sing to him because we love Him. She wants to pray at bedtime and gets mad if we don’t. For awhile there she carried a Bible around because it’s “Jesus’ Book” and she wanted to keep it safe. She didn’t just think these things, she saw them modeled.

Question:

What do you do when your kid never seems to listen? Just keep swimming?

Answer:

START YOUNG. If it’s too late to start young, that’s okay. You haven’t failed as a parent, it’s simply time to…
START TODAY. Don’t waste any more time, and begin to teach these precepts as soon as possible (like, um, yesterday). Establish a zero tolerance for “not listening”. Act as if their life depends on them listening… because it does!!! Establish clear consequences. With these consequences, make sure they are age appropriate. Depending on the age of your child, this is huge. Treating a two year old like a 12 year old when it comes to consequences can be catastrophic. Be aware of their maturity and age.
BE CONSISTENT. (really tried to find another “S,” but I think this works) Surround yourself with friends who will hold you accountable for LEADING your children into OBEDIENCE. Each time you neglect to discipline, you are making the problem worse. It takes work… work hard at it. Love them enough to do the work of CONSISTENT DISCIPLINE. Eventually, this will pay off ~ as they are learning to obey your voice, they are learning to obey God’s, too! (Ephesians 6:1-3).

Also, make sure what you say is hearable. Watch your tone, body language, facial expressions, etc. If you are looking like you’re ready to destroy your child, but are calm things, all they are going to see is you ready to explode. Take a moment to compose yourself and make sure your in the right mindset before you possibly make a poor decision.

Well, technically… they have to be plugged into something to record it, but you get the idea. Our musicians are in the process of laying down some acoustic versions of the songs we do here at Forefront. They are extremely talented and I cannot wait to share the completed project with all of you guys… for free. We’re just going to make these tracks available via the podcast, once completed.

To subscribe to the Forefront Weekly Podcast podcast via iTunes, just click here. To listen online, click here.

For now, check out Justin, Erwin, Ken, and Jessica (in the make-shift vocal booth) recording the hot jams. Oh yeah, and Steve is the sound guru making it all happen.

I posted this video last year and stumbled upon it again today.
I need to hear it again. Over a year later it has just as much impact as it did the day I heard it.
At Forefront, we repeat and repeat this truth that God loves all of us. The ugliness, bitterness, and beat up lives that are broken- He wants to repair us and make us new. He desires the broken.

Question:

Is living together still wrong? Itʼs “Cultural relevant” and similar to the polygamy practiced in the Bible.

Answer:

I want to answer the question starting at the end and work our way to the beginning. Trust me, thereʼs a method to the madness. Polygamy. You are absolutely right, polygamy was happening culturally in the Old Testament. It happened quite frequently. Even some of the most noted saints who strove to follow God were involved at polygamy at some time: Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon. But, just because it was happening doesnʼt mean it wasnʼt a sin and that God was somehow condoning it. In fact, God warned Solomon well in advance to NOT PRACTICE such things. Deuteronomy 17:14-20 is God’s warning against the polygamist practices of Solomon. After stating that the king [Solomon] is not to get riches from Egypt, nor to amass silver or gold, Moses says, “He must not take many wives” [Deuteronomy 17:17].

This is kind of off subject- but, I don’t know that using polygamy to promote your stance is the best solution. I’m married, I can barely handle the godly woman I have. Why on earth would someone want to have multiple wives?! That just sounds more like a punishment than a reward! Just having a wife and two girls in my house is enough estrogen to drive a man crazy!!! Just saying. (let me note I love my wife & girls, just a little joking around)

So, although it was culturally relevant, it was still very much sin. And while living together is “culturally relevant,” it is still warned against in scripture under the commands of refraining from “any hint of sexual immorality” and “fleeing from sexual immorality” in 1 Corinthians 6:18-19 and Ephesians 5:3. Not to mention Christians who get married after living together are 10 times more likely to end up getting divorced. And 50% of all couples who live together before getting married, break up before ever getting married. Save your relationship, donʼt live together first. Honor God and the person you love.

Question:

Iʼve been Wiccan for some time. My family doesnʼt want me to practice my religion. Is there any way I can explain to them that it is my way of life?

Answer:

Sometimes answering these questions are difficult. You don’t know the age, gender, or background involved many times. I started to answer this question to a person who has moved out, probably in their early 20′s, who is having a dialogue with their parents back home. But, I went into our warehouse space here at the office and saw something that made me rethink my approach. The question above was turned in on a card one Sunday morning during our series. Later that week, our student ministry had Cardia (a student gathering) and they did an activity where they wrote on mirrors during the evening. They were supposed to write what they see of themselves. One of the mirrors had the statement, “I see an untrustworthy person. I see a Wiccan at heart.” The handwriting was spot on to the card. So, I’m gathering that you are not a 20-something, but a middle/high school student (probably a girl from the neatness in your writing, it’s very neat). This helps me better understand your circumstances so I can answer your question to the best of my ability according to the Bible… because let’s be real, I’m a Christian, who believes the Bible, and it would be pretty difficult to answer this question without a bias towards God’s leading and what He has brought me through in my life.

Sometimes the best way to teach is through stories, and some of the best stories are what life has brought us through. So, let me a share a little bit of where I was at your age, in similar circumstances, and what happened to me…

I hated God.
No, I mean I really hated God. (to get the full grasp on this, click the “story” tab on the top of the blog) From being molested by a classmate, having dad always out to sea, a mom who had a tough time raising us kids, to getting dragged to a church where everyone passed judgment before dispensing grace. It was pretty messy. I went into some pretty dark places in my life. Struggled with alcohol & drugs (unbeknown to my parents), treated women like objects/conquests, and turned to breaking into cars and occasionally homes to find a rush. It was pathetic at best. My life was cheap thrills at the expense of others. Eventually my friends and I found ourselves standing before a judge awaiting a trial for stealing from a construction distributor. It scared the living crap out of me. I was terrified. With the charges dropped, I knew I had to make a decision to clean my life up. I needed something that gave me purpose and meaning. In comes the straight-edge movement.

Straight-edge, for those not familiar, was a movement that birthed out of the underground/hardcore music scene. It was more of a counter cultural movement that stressed things like being alcohol/drug free, abstinence, not conforming to the social norms, treating animals fairly (vegetarian or vegan), and sharing the love of music that became less like a rock show & more like an anthem to groups of kids who needed a place to belong. I went to one show and I was hooked. I had people who became family to me. We shared likes, goals, dreams, and ideas. We had such a common bond in our passions and it gave us purpose. (I’m assuming it’s similar to the way your beliefs in Wicca and the people who also practice it make you feel).

I felt alive and it truly became my religion. For many in that era it was there’s too. But as time progressed, I was still unhappy. My parents weren’t exactly thrilled I was into the music and it’s message, and I was pretty unhappy. There wasn’t one thing I could put a finger on, but just the sum of my life’s parts didn’t fit or seem to make sense. I would now look back and call this my “rebellious discontent.”

One night I went to a show at what used to be the Va Beach Skate Park (I think it’s batting cages now), and a bunch of bands were playing. One of the bands was, Zao. They were heavy. REAL Heavy. I love screaming music and they liked to scream. The drummer played to heavy they had to turn him around and place his drum kit against the wall so it wouldn’t move. After they played their set, the guitarist was outside smoking a cigarette. I stopped to tell him I was stoked to see them play.  He smiled, said thanks, and we just started talking. This guys was COVERED in tattoos. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I asked about his tattoos and as he answered what they meant I began to realize something, “This guy is into Jesus or God or something.”

So I asked him, “Are you a Christian?”
He replied, “Yeah, are you?”
“No.” I replied, “Being a Christian means being a cookie cutter person who doesn’t think for yourself.”
“Do I look like I’m a shirt, tie, and khaki kind of guy?” (with a hint of attitude)
“Um, I guess not” I said, now feeling stupid for walking into that one.
“Let me guess, you’re straight-edge, right?” (I was wearing a shirt with the words on it spoofing the Coca-Cola logo, so he wasn’t that perceptive.)
“Yeah, it’s like a family. We all believe the same stuff and the music is awesome.”
“Let me ask you a question, ‘What has straight-edge ever done for you? When you die, where does straight-edge bring you? What hope do you have?’”

Silence.
I’d never thought about life after “straight-edge.” What was going to happen when I die? What did I have to hope for? What was I living for? Yeah, the scene was great and it felt good, but there was always something missing. Remember that “rebellious discontent” I mentioned earlier? This is where it led me. If living this pure and straight life wasn’t anything that brought hope, if there was nothing more- then what could bring me hope? What could take the place of this discontent inside of me?

Jesus. I know, it sounds like the Sunday School answer, but it’s the truth. You see, for every one of us at our core, we’re not straight-edge, wiccan, homosexual, football captain, fast food cashier, mother, father, mayor or president- we’re sinners in need of a Savior. We are wrecked beyond all recognition. The things we try to use to define us or label as a status are not who we are at our heart’s core. They are merely substitutes we use to give ourselves meaning, status, and worth. I used straight-edge as a way to not conform. It was a way to belong. The problem was, because it did not correct my sinful nature, it was not completely satisfying. I was always left feeling a little bit alone or unfulfilled.

In our lives, we essentially have an innate longing to be filled by God’s love. But, by our own selfish nature we keep running everywhere but God. It’s only by His Spirit working on our hearts and our submission to God through complete submission; that we find a redemption and completeness like any other. You are not a wiccan at heart. You are a child of God. You are searching to fill a God-shaped hole that Wicca, relationships, music, straight-edge, sports, addiction, and the list goes on… just cannot fill. Only God can fill this void. When you accept that, the next time you look in the mirror you won’t see an untrustworthy wiccan, you’ll see a young person redeemed by the Creator of the Universe. If you don’t have any older females to talk to or that you trust, my wife Carrie is more than willing to listen & talk with you: carrie@brandedwithlove.com

I’m praying you can find the right direction in what I believe is a time of “rebellious discontent” for you. Praying you will let my wife or someone close to you, begin a dialogue about this. Also, praying that you don’t completely dismiss these things and approach it with an open mind. Thank you so much for asking the question. It’s a tough place to be in.

Question:

If pornography is not cheating, what is wrong with it?

Answer:

In the way this is worded, it assumes that pornography isn’t cheating.  It is.  Jesus tells us that if we look at someone lustfully, we’ve committed adultery which is sin and is cheating. Check out Matthew 5:27 and following…

“‘You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:27-30

From this passage, we can gleam that looking at pornography is in fact adultery. Whatever form it may take, i.e. photos, movies, magazines, strip clubs- it’s a sin in the eyes of God. Personally speaking, as someone who was addicted to pornography for some time, it begins to ruin you for future relationships. The way you look at the opposite sex, how you value them, what their identity is- it all becomes skewed through the lens of pornography. The images become rooted in your heart & mind and it becomes almost impossible to not think about. The only way we can control such addiction it to hand it over to God, submit to His precepts, and allow His Spirit to mold us into the person God desires us to be. We actually have no real control over the addiction, the addiction has control over us. That is why allowing God to do what He does best is so important. Sin gets a stranglehold on our lives and it takes the supernatural God and Creator of the Universe to intervene on our behalf and cast out the filthiness in our lives.

On a different note, assuming you’re married by the question of cheating, take a look at the amount of time being invested in this addiction. If you took the time and energy you’re put into looking at pornography, and used that to pursue your husband or wife; then you wouldn’t have to settle for a false sense of intimacy through images and fantasies. If you need to talk to someone about this, please email me: jason@forefront.org. I’d love to help you follow God and allow Him to beat this addiction into submission.

Question:

Malachi teaches to give 10% to the church. But Colossians tells a wife to obey her husband. If the husband tells the wife to give less of her paycheck to the church because of bills, what should be done?

Answer:

First off, let’s talk about the topic of giving in general. You are right that Malachi talks about a tithe and a percentage. At Forefront, we believe that the New Testament has essentially raised the bar in all areas of life to mirror Jesus and His teaching. We teach “generosity giving” as it pertains to our gifts to God. 10% is great starting off point. But consider this: a waitress is given a tip for quality services rendering during an outing to a local establishment. Their tip usually ranges from 15-25%. If this holds true that we believed someone bringing us food deserves this honor and gift; where should our hearts be with God the Creator? From the span of the teachings in the New Testament, we see that one should give from the heart in a generous manner. What is the percentage? That’s between you and God. Should it be less than 10%? I don’t believe we are to go backwards in what God has called us to do, but forward. Is it a sin to withhold or not give to God at all? Yes. Our spiritual disciplines of praying, connecting with God, reading the Bible, sharing love with others, being a servant in our community and church, giving generously-  these are all things God calls us to do. If we are not living in accordance with scripture, it is indeed a sin.

Now, what to do if your husband is asking you differently? Women are instructed to submit to their husbands in love. Husbands are also to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her with His own life. As husbands, we are called to live so closely to Jesus that our spouse would have no problem submitting to us. Essentially, our wife would say, “Why wouldn’t I submit to my husband? He loves Jesus so much that it’s a no brainer. He’s such a godly man.” Now, you apparently are not feeling the same way about your husband.

Here is what scripture would say to do. You need to preach wordless sermons and be a 1 Peter 3 wife. Check out what it says in verses 1 and 2:

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2

Your life needs to be lived in such a way that you could win him over to Jesus through your acts of love, service and submission. This is going to be difficult and a burden. Being married to someone who is not willing to follow the precepts of Jesus is difficult and painful. Now, in living a 1 Peter 3 life as his wife, you also need to submit to him and his wishes in this. As you submit to your husband, know this- He will be the one to answer for his disobedience and sin. As the head of the household, a place given to him by God; he will have to answer for the decisions he’s making in regards to leading his family in Jesus. This is a difficult truth to hear, but these are his actions and as his wife you need to follow him in this.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24

In all of this, love God and remain close to Him. Pray daily that your husband will see that he is in error and needs to repent and turn to God. Also, live a 1 Peter 3 life and daily show him what it means to walk in the footsteps of Jesus.

Question:

How do you come to an agreement on the values for your children?

Answer:

Values can come from life experience, passed down from generations, faith, church, friends, etc. There are a lot of influences out there. You need plumb line by which your values start from. In carpentry, construction, etc. there was a tool early on, still used by some today that was a rope or string with a weight on it. Later it was a ball made from lead. The latin word for lead is plumbum, which is where get the word, plumb line. The tool is used to measure whether or not something is completely vertical. Itʼs the standard by which all other objects are compared to. You and your spouse must come to agreement on what your plumb line is. For my wife and I, itʼs the Bible.

We study the Bible together and learn about how to live for God, and then pass that on to our girls. When we cannot come to an agreement on how the Bible speaks on a certain issue, we pray and ask for counsel from other couples who love God, to get another perspective that we might not be have understood before. It begins to get easier to come together on establishing the values for our children each day. I would encourage you to make Godʼs values your values.