We pray together every night baby.
I always end with, “God, thank you for letting me be Chloe’s daddy. Amen.”
With every beat of my heart, I mean it. You’re a gift.
But tonight, you broke down your big ol’ daddy to a puddle of emotion.
As we opened our eyes you looked at me.
I drown in those baby blues every single time you bat your lashes.
You’ve got me whooped.
You’re mommy and sissy have the same eyes.
I don’t stand a chance.
As you gazed into my face, you looked intently as you whispered-

“I’m glad I get to be your Chloe. You’re the best daddy God made for me.”

I just wrestled to not cry when you said the words.
I know when I cry you get worried that I’m hurt.
I tucked you in and laid you down to bed.
As I finally laid down to rest and waited for mommy to fall asleep, I lost it.
Because even though you believe I’m the best daddy…
I’m gonna make mistakes.
Wait, I’ve made mistakes already, ugh.
I ignore you while I play with my phone.
When you want to color, I blow you off because the news is on.
As I’m going over my sermon, you always want to sit on my lap.
I focus on church stuff, when I instead should wrestle & have a dance party.
I don’t want to miss another dance party with you.
I want to be an example for you.
I want to show you how to be loved.
I want to show you how much Jesus loves you.
I pray you see it through all my flaws and screw ups.
So, when those boys start trying to see more than your baby blues…
Tell ‘em to slow their roll.
Because you know a thing or two about what real love looks like.
And even though I make mistakes.
I love you little pookie.
And one day you’re gonna hear all the silly stories about you in sermons.
The embarrassing photos on Facebook & Twitter.
And you’re gonna read these posts I’ve written to you.
And the letters I’ve been saving for you each year on your birthday.
When you get old enough to read all this- I pray you know,
That while you feel like you’re the one getting the good end of the deal-

I’m the one who feels truly blessed to be a part of your life.
Love, Daddy

What just happend?!
No clue this interaction was going to go on like this.
Norma and I talked in the rain for about 15-20 minutes until her son came and picked her up.
My heart (while torn at first), decided to do what’s right instead of being selfish.
I came home, laid down for a bit, and woke up to this Facebook message:

When you want to say no – quit being selfish.
When you’ve got some where to be – it can wait.
When you think the world revolves around you – it doesn’t.
When you think someone else will help – you are the someone.
When you think no one is watching – they are. intently.
When you help someone thinking they’ll learn a lesson in love – you’re the one who gets schooled in love.

Norma, you’re a saint. You rocked my world with God’s love/truth today.
I’m glad your car was broke down so God could use you to break me down in the process.

- Jason

Over the past few weeks there has been a flurry of people posting photos like these, or catchy little meme photos with the saying,

“Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.”

In junior high I stole things.
In the third grade a girl touched me & I her. It was in a bad way, and we knew it.
In ’89 I lied to my parents about getting beat up & threw my bike in a ditch so I could get a new one.
In high school I used girls & tossed them aside like Post-it Notes.
In college I broke the rules because I hated the system.
In my early years of ministry I struggled with porn.
In my adult years I entertained my ego and gave in to pride.
In my life, I’ve…
hurt people.
let down my wife.
been absent when my girls needed me.
lied.
stolen.
abused.
chosen addiction.
stood before a judge and deserved a penalty.

Never regret anything?

When faced with a question, I wonder what God has to say about it?

Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 6:19-23

Shame and regret are some of the very emotions and heart conditions that lead my heart to repentance. My heart feeling heavy from the sin I’ve committed brings me to a place where I realize my need for forgiveness, redemption, God’s grace, etc. Adam & Eve were ashamed after eating the apple, Jonah was ashamed after running from God, the woman caught in adultery was ashamed in front of Jesus, and the Bible paints the disciples shame and regret numerous times as they fall short and let God down.

When I think about my past, and the stupidity I knowingly walked into on so many occasions… did it make me smile or happy? Absolutely. Sin is fun, and if you don’t think it is- you’re not doing it right. Satan doesn’t tempt us into something we wouldn’t enjoy. He entices us with things we’d LOVE to grab at. But, when I think about these things, it breaks my heart. The people I injured. The hearts I broke. The friends I destroyed. Never regret anything?

I’m growing into the man God is working on me to be with each stride and day that goes by. As I look forward, I love what I see. As I look back, I’m saddened by my past. While I’ve learned from it, there are some things I would love to go back and change. Knowing what and WHO I know now…

Shame and regret can bring us to a place where our hearts are ready to experience true love, grace, and redemption.

Carol Of The Bells from Forefront Church on Vimeo.

I loved our Christmas Eve/Eve Service. It was a great way to wrap up 2011. The year had some amazing things take place…

• Sending a team to Joplin to help with the clean-up relief. So pumped we were able to be a part of that.
• Packing an 18 wheeler with supplies and sending it down to Alabama for hurricane relief. The news came out a did a story, it was awesome to see something on the news that positive. You guys rock!
• Two teams to Vietnam to finish the water system for 600+ people to have clean water and build dorms for kids who need a place to sleep. Our impact there over the last few years has transformed that village. This year is going to be even better!
• 17 people to Mexico to build homes for families in need. That valley is forever changed with the love our high school ministry has shared there. If you have time off during the summer and haven’t gone yet, you are TOTALLY MISSING OUT! Go this year, seriously.
• Working with PIN Homeless ministry. We have groups making lunches, people serving, and donations every week to help aid this work. I love it.
• Our Children’s Ministry collected hundreds of pais of socks for the homeless.
• Collecting supplies & throwing a huge baby shower for the moms of CPC at our warehouse space! We discussed whether or not to give other churches the opportunity to do this and not do it in 2012. The CPC reps told us they LOVE what the ladies & church have done. It’s the best shower they have all year! You guys are fantastic!
• 88 kids in the special needs program and their siblings were given an amazing Christmas thanks to the gifts you gave. There are a lot of things we could be doing with our time, but giving back to the community is HUGE. I love that our church isn’t just about what happens on Sundays and in small groups, but we are actually OUT IN THE COMMUNITY.
• We saw the school lunch program happening and 100 kids have better food in Vietnam because of you. I was able to see this first hand, and let me tell you, there is no greater feeling than seeing the love of Jesus transcend in a practical way with people. Love it.
• Watching as 35 people made a decision to follow Jesus. This number is actually more, but since we don’t film every baptism, we don’t know an exact number. Anytime I get down, this is the thing that keeps me going. Every other week, and then some, people are coming to Jesus. And… those are just the salvation stories. There are dozens, even hundreds more who are making decisions every week in other ways.
• 7 Marriages that were on the brink of divorce decided to work it out. And they’re thriving! I cannot say enough how big it is that we value families and aid them in following Jesus. If you’re hurting alone, there’s no excuse. We’re here for you. We love you, please come talk to us. We are here to help.
• Saw 600+ people at our Christmas Eve/Eve Service. 3 years ago we did this and had 455 people. I was blown away then, and with all the craziness that God’s church at Forefront has seen… I was blown away again as we saw so many new faces of YOUR FRIENDS there. Remember, they want to come to church and are receptive to it. The one thing holding them back? YOU. Take a step and talk with them about God, church, your faith. You’ll be amazed at what God can do.
• The next day we went to over 58 different places and handed out thank gifts & goodies for people working on Christmas Eve. This is one of my favorite things we do every year. When we could be having a service about Jesus, for us, feeling cozy in a building, singing songs and enjoying ourselves… we went out and honored others. Because we didn’t feel right having a service for us while people are away form their homes & families working. The hospitals, naval bases, fire stations, police stations, grocery stores, McDonald house, and more were all so thankful. I love that you guys care more about others than yourselves.

I  was not expecting this question in my inbox a few weeks ago.
Opened up my Gmail, and sure enough- there it was:

“Can I celebrate halloween & love Jesus too?”

Let me say first, this is something you have to decide as a family. There are plenty of people who love God and completely disagree on this issue. But, before I give you my thoughts, let’s just look at a couple things on Halloween…

• Halloween, has roots, as a prominent witchcraft holiday.
• Witchcraft and Wicca are  real religions people follow.
• There are a handful of holidays celebrated in these religions, Halloween is the most widely celebrated.
• The history goes back to a celebration known as Samhain. This festival marked the end of a season. The shift of this to incorporating the dead happened rapidly in pagan culture. Rituals like pumpkins to scare off spirits or remember the dead and dressing up to not be noticed by the dead walking among us are just a couple of those rituals that were brought into common practice.
• The main point of Samhain was to find protection from the evil spirits of the dead roaming the earth.
• Halloween, at it’s core- celebrates death (i.e. ghosts, skeletons, graveyards, ghouls, zombies, etc)

That isn’t a definitive list, but a glimpse into some of the Halloween highlights. So, back to the question, “Can I celebrate Halloween & love Jesus too?” I would say yes, and thank you for asking this question. It made us think a bit more as a family before we jumped into this. Here is where we are at:

As Christians, first off- Carrie and I need to recognize that Halloween has roots in a dark, anti-Christian realm that looks to glorify death. The Bible explains that death is the enemy. It wasn’t something God wanted for us. So, to treat it lightly is a misnomer and we need to understand where it’s roots are found.

Second, we need to be aware that just because halloween has it’s roots in this, it does not mean the  modern “candy and parties” are celebrating Satan. This practice has morphed into something much different for a majority of society. Just like the use of a piano in a church service was viewed as “unholy” simply because it got it’s start in saloons. Now it’s widely accepted as an instrument to bring attention to God in a good way. Things can be redeemed or rejected. Your family needs to choose where that line is concerning the celebration of Halloween.

Third, we need to be smart in how we move forward with our family in light of Halloween and it’s roots. Here are some boundaries we’ve set as a family to help guide our time during Halloween:

• You can dress up, just not as anything dead or evil.
• Halloween parties are fair game. If the theme of the party is celebrating death, we’ll find a different one to go to.
• We can go trick or treating. Candy is great! But, we talk about the “trick” side of the trick or treating. We let our girls know we don’t do mean things to people. This is a night for us to meet our neighbors and have fun.
• As our kids get older, we will talk about Halloween’s history. We want them to know so they can begin to understand and make choices about it. It is serious, and our goal is for them to be informed.
• If the girls don’t like our stance on something Halloween related, we will hear their side, discuss it, and consider their point of view. As they get older, we want to be open to possibly being wrong. If they can sell us on a side we haven’t considered, we are open to discussion. But Mom & Dad have the final say.
• Ultimately, we want to honor God with our lives as a family. If something surrounding Halloween draws that into question, we will always side with honoring God.

So, what do you [do or not do] for Halloween?

A skin issue.
I actually keep my beard most of the time because of it now.
The skin damage is getting progressively worse as I get older.
I shaved for this week’s sermon, to fit the story I’m telling.
Before I shaved, my prayer was,
“God, don’t let it be worse. Please let it have healed.”
Nope. No healing. It was worse. A lot worse.
I asked my wife,
“Would be awkward to wear my shirt up over my face in public?”
She rolled her eyes at me.

I deserved that response.
You see, in the 3 years where it’s become an issue, I’ve never gone to the Dr.
I’ve researched it on the web.
At home remedies.
Even tried different make-up. Yeah… makeup.
I actually used a tiny bit the last few days because how bad it was.
Yes fellas, during Monday Night Football at Bdub’s… I had makeup on. *sigh*
Embarrassed. Self-conscious. Ashamed.
The glaring issue my wife had with me was, I never sought help.
I did everything I could, including growing a beard to cover it up.
The beard became a beacon for a deeper underlying issue.
My skin issue wasn’t being addressed.

The thing that hurts the most- I don’t just have a skin issue.
I have lots of issues.
The biggest one being a sin issue.
I sin. Everyday.
If you were to be honest with yourself, you have them too.
We try to cover them up.
Research for some kind of “quick fix” hoping to dismiss it.
Praying it will go away.
“If I just do this, and this, and this- I can handle it on my own.”
NEWS FLASH: No you can’t. 

“Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed, lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:12-14

Can you stand against your sin issue alone? No, you will fall.
Can God’s power & spirit help you in your sin issue? Absolutely.
When should you surrender to God’s Spirit so he can work on your heart? Right now.

I am so thankful God weighed on me, broke my pride, and began this work in my life.
Am I perfect? No.
Will I make mistakes? Yes.
Am I forgiven & experiencing the grace & love of God? I firmly believe it. 

No more hiding the skin sin issue.
Come out of the darkness, and let God do the work only He can do.

**P.S. I go to the doctor on Friday.